4th and 1 Mindset with Coach Mikki:
Start Strong - Finish Strong! Dominate Everything In Between! (TM)
http://www.4thand1mindset.com
The mindset needed when everything is on the line. On the field, in business, in life and, whatever goal you are going after!
4th and 1 Mindset with Coach Mikki is your playbook for mastering life’s toughest moments.
Coach Mikki, a seasoned football coach with 17 years of experience coaching from Pop Warner to College Athletes.
She is an international speaker sharing the 4th and 1 Mindset to fortune 500 companies, Mastermind groups, college campus, Women's Groups and on the field located all over the globe.
Coach Mikki dives into the mindset needed to succeed when everything is on the line. Just like in football’s pivotal 4th and 1, the difference between winning and losing comes down to focus, grit, and execution.
She shares strategies to help you convert life’s critical moments in your personal journey into opportunities for victory.
From the stage to virtual streaming learn how to develop a mindset that pushes past obstacles and drives you to achieve greatness on and off the field.
4th and 1 Mindset with Coach Mikki:
Goalkeeping and Life Lessons: Brian McFarland- S2E11
Ever wondered what it takes to completely reinvent yourself in midlife? Brian McFarland's story of transformation from divorced dad to semi-professional goalkeeper will challenge everything you believe about "too late" or "too old."
Growing up as a "heavy, slow kid" who was bullied off his elementary school soccer team, Brian never imagined he'd one day be playing alongside athletes half his age in semi-professional matches. His journey began unexpectedly while coaching his children's teams after his divorce left him with empty weekends. What started as casual recreational games evolved into a consuming passion that had him training over ten hours weekly and seeking professional coaching from former MLS players.
Brian shares the unique mental architecture required by goalkeeping, a position he describes as "85% autopilot punctuated by 15% sheer chaos." This mindset translates directly to his work with underprivileged STEM students through his "Business of Life" program, where he teaches essential professional skills often overlooked in traditional education. His approach centers on Maya Angelou's wisdom that "people will never forget how you made them feel," demonstrating how this principle applies equally in sports, business, and personal relationships.
The conversation reaches its philosophical peak with Brian's mantra: "Slow down to speed up." Drawing parallels between learning complex musical bass lines and developing athletic prowess, he explains why rushing toward goals without mastering fundamentals leads to failure, while patient, deliberate practice builds sustainable success in any domain of life.
Whether you're contemplating a major life change, seeking to improve your performance, or simply looking for inspiration, this episode offers actionable wisdom about embracing discomfort, finding great coaches, and maintaining enthusiasm through inevitable setbacks. As Brian proves, it's never too late to pursue excellence in something that brings you joy.
Okay, come on, bring it in. Bring it in, listen up, listen up. Today we have got an amazing guest and I'm really excited to have him in our locker room today. I'm Coach Mickey and you're on 4thin1 Mindset, and if this is your first time coming into our locker room, come on in, make yourself comfortable and you're going to learn a lot. We're going to bring some information that not only helps you as an athlete, but as a parent, if you're a business owner, or but as a parent, if you're a business owner, or just someone who's looking to excel more in their life than where they are right now.
Speaker 1:For those of you that are here on a regular basis, thank you so much, and also I want to thank many of you who have already reached out to me, and, if you have not yet, my book is now available Fourth in One Mindset on Amazon. I'm really excited about this. I'm getting great reviews and other people are reaching out to me to do some other reviews for them. Reviews, and other people are reaching out to me to do some other reviews for them. So, with that being said, I'm excited because I have got with me today Brian McFarlane.
Speaker 1:He is a passionate soccer player. He's been playing for the past 11 years. He's a goalkeeper, he plays on several leagues in New York City, he's had a chance to actually play in a semi-professional match and he's going to share that story with us. He also works with business of life and he works with kids, and you guys know how dear that is to me working with kids and sharing our knowledge, not only as coaches but also for individuals, that can make their life a little bit better. So welcome Brian. How are you?
Speaker 2:I am so well If I were. Any better I'd be twins. I am so well If I were any better.
Speaker 1:I'd be twins. This is good. Well, I read your bio and the reason I wanted to invite you to our locker room is I wanted to hear your story about soccer. You know, I mean any sport that we play has got to take some kind of drive and passion. But also to get to a semi-professional game, I mean that takes a lot to get to where you are, I mean to where you were to where getting to that point?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it certainly does, and certainly thank you for having me on the show. Thank you for all you do. I've listened to so many episodes and learned a lot myself, so it's really a great platform that you're building and so helpful. Yeah, so my soccer journey in brief I played. I grew up on Long Island in New York big big soccer community and tried out for a team or you know, you play in elementary school when I was six or seven and I was kind of a heavy kid so I was slow and I did not have a great coach, so I got kind of bullied off the team. If you will Fast forward to later in my life when I had kids and soccer is huge in New York City. So I always like and have found coaching, training, whether it be in sales and business, in any aspect of something that I really enjoy doing is watch people, especially young people, be the best that they could be and figuring out ways to want to motivate them, certainly as a parent always trying to do that for my kids. So I coached my son's team, I coached my daughter's team and started to learn about soccer. I didn't know that much, to be honest, and started kicking a ball around myself. So that was a re-beginning and this was in my mid-40s or so that I re-engaged with soccer.
Speaker 2:Then my own personal journey began after I actually wound up starting to get divorced and anyone who's been divorced knows. All of a sudden, all your weekends were full and now half of your weekends are open and people would be surprised that New York City the amount of soccer fields that are available. So I started walking around and aimlessly as sometimes people do after a tough divorce and found that there's all these people playing soccer after a tough divorce. And found that there's all these people playing soccer. So I went on a field, asked how I can play. It was through a meetup group app that they have in some cities. So I showed up the next week as this guy who's never really played soccer and it was 7v7 and went on the pitch and as a field player I was probably an accident waiting to happen. But every seven minutes in these games they rotate to be goaltender, because no one wants to play goaltender and I found that, even though I was not very good at it, I enjoyed it and it was a position that I could see myself growing into. So when I asked on the next rotation if I could stay as a goalie. They said you want to do this Because nobody wants to. Nobody wants to be hit right In football no one. People, I guess, like to play you know, defense sometimes more than they do often so they can hit people. Uh, I actually like to be on the receiving end of that for some odd reason. So, uh, everyone said yes and even though I wasn't very good, uh, just the fact that I would do that, um, endeared me to so many people.
Speaker 2:So that began a journey that now is about 14 years in and, honestly, coach Mickey, I just grew so drawn to the sport and to the craft and I stayed with coaching my son's team, but I started training myself really, really, really hard on weekends and playing every ounce of time that I possibly could. I started training in soccer. None of the younger leagues have coaches for the goalkeepers, they only really coach the field players. So I started to take the things that I was learning as a soccer goalie and I started unofficially coaching all the goaltenders in my son's league and started to find some success there. So I had good coaches teaching me, so that I was passing that on, just like we should do as responsible adults.
Speaker 2:And I really found a niche, both as a coach for young goaltenders and then being coached, and after playing for about five or six years on my own, upwards of 10 plus hours a week, a coach saw me play and walked up to me one day and said listen, I'm a coach of the Antiguan team in the Caribbean League and our goaltender got hurt last week and we don't have a backup. So would you be interested in subbing this week? I said, first of all, I'm not Antiguan. This week, I said, first off, I'm not Antiguan. He said, well, we're allowed two non-Antiguan players every week and I know that you could do it. So I doubled down on my training that week and I was actually fortunate enough Coaching is everything or having a great coach.
Speaker 2:So I had been training with a gentleman, buna, who had been a professional goalkeeper in MLS Major League Soccer and he had been one of the outstanding goalies for the New York Red Bulls and for the Colorado I forget the name of that team and he was training me. So he got me prepared and I went out to Brooklyn, new York, and met up with the team, which was a bunch of 20 to 25 year olds who have more than doubled their age, and uh, I played an entire game and uh held my own and we lost, while we lost to one. It was um, it was. I'm looking at a picture of myself with the team and uh, it's just. Like'm looking at a picture of myself with the team and uh, it's just like. Which of one of these is not like the other?
Speaker 1:I was the different one, so I love it, and you put yourself out there to do something that you know. Like you said, you're out there with younger guys, but you're doing something that you love. Um, what do you think was the the turning point, like you said, when you got out there and you decided you wanted to be the goaltender. I mean, what, what was it that all of a sudden drew you to that, that position? And then you, then you took the initiative to make it the best one. You know, it wasn't like you stopped. And that's something that I find, as a coach, that you can't teach kids. You can teach them all the X's and O's, all the plays, all the positions, but what you can't teach them is drive and passion.
Speaker 2:You cannot teach them that. We both know you can push them a little, but you know and I know you see kids, I mean I could say within 10 minutes you can see who really wants it and I've always really wanted it and that goaltending position. Thank you for asking the question. I consider myself extremely unique and I like to be different and go against the grain. So you know, when you're playing 11 v 11, there's only one goalkeeper. So you have to be of a different mindset and be willing to. You know in soccer and be willing to you know in soccer.
Speaker 2:Uh, kind of one of the sayings we have is the goal kicker. Actually that's the saying is we never win the games, we can only lose the games. Right, we can't score goals, we can only concede goals. So you have to have the mental toughness to say, to enter the game that way and say I'm generally not going to be the hero Although if you really play well, you can be the hero of the game but I'm not going to be Lionel Messi, right, scoring the touchdowns or scoring the goals. So it's a mindset shift of wanting to embrace sort of what's like a solo You're part of a team but it is really lonely back there Because George Vassie, the famous he's now retired New York Times sports writer, he said playing goaltender and he's covered like five World Cups.
Speaker 2:He's like it's like flying an airplane, where it's you basically spend 85 percent of the flight on autopilot and then 15 percent of it you're there when everything is chaotic and it's just sheer chaos and then it calms down. So the other part of that is you also have to have this is going to sound weird, but you also have to be willing to be hit, as I said a little bit earlier, as opposed to hitting. So you're on the receiving end of really hard shots coming in. You're on the receiving end of players coming in at warp speed and a lot of bodies flying around. So you have to be both strong enough physically and mentally to be able to take that.
Speaker 2:I'm actually I broke my right. Now I'm playing with pretty much a broken left hand that I just happened to dive, you know, and save a play, but that happens in the process. I think in the last 12 years of playing soccer I've had upwards of. This is near and dear to your heart, and football is probably about eight concussions, broken fingers, you know, dislocated shoulders torn, mcl. So soccer, I think, right up there with football and skiing, is the most lower body injuries that are out there. So you know, the short answer to your question is you have to have a tough mental mindset, but I'd also say you have to have kind of a screw loose to want to play that position.
Speaker 1:Well, I also think, too, that you know what you're getting into when you're in that position. So you've chose to do it and then having the information to go forward with it and know what you're up against. You know, like you said, it takes a strong person not only physically but also mentally, and I think that's like with every position. Well, goal, I would say goal is what you're doing. And back to what you were saying, that you know you don't necessarily win the game, but you can lose the game. My kickers you know I've sent in my kickers multiple times and you know they have to be mentally strong and ready to go, because they're either going to win the game for us or they're going to lose the game. The game could go any way and it can come down to one guy kicking that ball through the uprights and that's it, you know. So, having that mental capacity to be able to pull that off and deal with it and understand that if it doesn't go the way is to embrace that and go. Okay, yeah, that was on me, but you learn from it and you move on. And also knowing what your job is and being able to bring that not only for yourself, but you know it's going to help the whole team as a whole, and I think that's what happens.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of people don't understand that Everybody is like, well, what's in it for me?
Speaker 1:And while there's no I in team and you've heard that before together I'm going to choose more there is an I in win, and what I mean by that is you are responsible that, for if you're going to bring a win to your team, you've got to step up as an individual in every position that you're in and make that the best you can possibly bring. You have to bring it every single time because it's not just for yourself but it's for everybody else. That's depending on you, because you are playing together as a unit and the position that you have is very important. And it's sort of like the linemen in the center they never get the glory, but nothing happens without them. You know, and nothing's going to happen without a goaltender, because if you're not there, well not, you know it's. That's crazy, it's not going to. You know, the whole game's going to change the whole dynamic. Uh, how much of your coaching and the experience that you have do you bring over into your business of life with your kids?
Speaker 2:of life with your kids. I mean all of it. I feel like it's all related because you're able to connect the dots when you're communicating, especially with younger people, about trying to bring something symbolic that they can understand better than the X's and O's of, let's say, education or something like that. Right, if I was trying to inspire my son who's an incredible intellectual and super smart and he's an amazing soccer player we often reference back the importance of him really focusing on his homework right and not multitasking with devices and distractions to the myopic focus that he needs to have. You know he plays center back, you know, on a great team for his high school. So it's that mindset of saying, hey, just like on the pitch right, which is where you're having fun, you know where he works really hard. You know he wants to go to Duke right. To get into Duke, one of the hardest schools in the country you're going to have to have the grades. You're probably not going to make it on a soccer scholarship, as good as he is, but you're going to need the grades. You're going to need that myopic focus. So it's figuring out. I think for all of us as great coaches, this is what is the, the mindset we're trying to bring to the child or to the youth or to our children specifically, what's the relatable situation that we can bring to them that's going to motivate them to do that. And I think you know you're such a great coach, you have so many great coaches on I think if we spend the extra bit of time to look at that player as an individual and say what can I find that's in them that they can't find in themselves right now, that's going to really, really motivate them and then key in on that and then it makes it so understandable for them that, you know, I think you can't force anyone to do anything. You have to kind of create the situation where they want to do it, something you know very well. And once you can create a situation where they want to do something you know, more than half of your job is done. Now you're just, you're just guiding them, because that inner drive, you know, is there In sales. Because that inner drive, you know, is there In sales.
Speaker 2:I've coached and hired and been an individual contributor and built sales teams and organizations. And one thing my great coaches would always say that I was reporting to is when we would qualify a candidate, we'd say, look, if we make it like a dog analogy, right, I always want a pit bull that I kind of have to pull the leash back on because while that's takes some extra work for me versus I don't know another breed of dog who's just much more passive and kind of needs to be. I would never hurt a dog but like metaphorically, like kick the dog to make it go right that the dog that you need to push is not one I necessarily want to expend the energy to do that. I'd rather deal with the challenging dog that motivates itself to, in essence, outperform you know all the other dogs. So I'm not I'm not even a dog person, but I always make that analogy.
Speaker 1:Well, I also think that there's some validity to that, because I've noticed that some of the kids that I've worked with, if they come from a situation or background or environment that they need to either leave or change their why is a lot stronger than somebody who is just like yeah, I'm just kind of here going through the motions and you're right, I can see it. Within the first five minutes I can tell who are the ones that really want it and, whatever the reason is, you can see the passion, the drive. The other ones are like the sponges are like teach me more, I want to know more, I want to do, I want to be the best drive. The other ones are like the sponges are like teach me more, I want to know more, I want to do, I want to be the best. And and I can even see that just recently I'm coaching. Now we just got done with spring ball and I'm working with with a group of guys from the D line and they're they'll walk off the. We're done, we're good, you know I've got this and I'm like oh okay, you know, don't you've got this? Okay at your level. But then I've got a group of like four of them that are like coach, can we stay after you know? Can you teach us more? Can you help me?
Speaker 1:I wasn't sure about this. And those are the kids. Those are the ones that I want to work with, and they're also the ones that excel. The ones that think they know everything and think they got it, or they don't excel, the ones that do want the information. They'll excel and exceed these other guys. And then they're sitting there wondering why, hey, why didn't I get an offer? Why didn't I get a chance to play?
Speaker 1:Because you said you have to have it within you to really want it. And I don't care what sport it's in, actually I don't care. What you're doing could be business too. Could be everything you do. If you really want something, you will find a way to make it happen. You know, one of the favorite quotes I have here and I don't even know where I got it from, I just put on a post-it note on my monitor is failure to failure, without losing enthusiasm. You know that's what you got to do. You got to keep coming back, no matter what happens. You know it's not always going to be easy. And so, with your business of life, tell me what you do Tell me how do you work with the kids and what does it bring to them? You know how does it help them.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, sure, and I love that quote, by the way. I'll have to install that into my repertoire. So my life partner she runs a non-for-profit organization in New York City that represents, based up in Harlem, that in the STEM area, which is so important to our country, to all of our lives, right, is, they take the extra step to help students who are very motivated, but they generally come from underrepresented financial areas so they do not have the opportunity to go to the better public schools or they certainly don't have the opportunity to go to private schools, right, so they are. You talked about it, you know, with some of the kids that you talked about, right, they are already at a disadvantage simply because they don't have the level of coaching, ie teachers, or opportunities. Thus, right, their parents or single parents, right, don't have the networking into maybe the higher, you know, paying jobs or something like that. So what her organization does is it gets them internships with Columbia University and Cornell and all these you know really great colleges and companies, you know in the tri-state area, and it's a pretty rigorous screening process for the kids to get into the program because her organization needs to make sure these kids really want it, right, so these are like overachieving kids who've brought themselves out of the situation that they're in, exactly like you're talking about. So I started to meet some of these kids since I've been with her and I always felt like in sales I'm not really doing much, if at all, to give back outside of my organization, let's say so.
Speaker 2:Once I met her and I saw what she was doing for young people you know both elementary school and high school I said wow, what an opportunity here. You know, I could share my wisdom and knowledge with young people at an early stage in their life and just help them. And one of the things I had always thought was, even when I graduated college many years ago, I always thought a college should teach, have a course called the business of life. Right, you know, before the internet, no one taught us how to make a resume. No one taught me how to write a cover letter. I was looking through want ads in newspapers, you know to kind of get a job. So you know, you graduate and you have all these classes behind you, but you don't really have any real life skill. So I said you know I'm not a graduate teacher or anything like that, but here's an opportunity to give back and impart wisdom on people. Back and impart wisdom on people. And I always say in my own podcast if what I'm saying can even help one person, then it's all worth it.
Speaker 2:So I started a program that I just called the business of life and that became the slogan of my podcast owning the goal, because success in sales is success in life, right? So you, I, every person on this planet is a salesperson, right? Whether you're dealing with a situation with your life partner, with your child, with your parents, with the cashier at a store, you know there's a selling situation going on there where you're trying to make a connection with someone and put your best foot forward. So the course is just called the business of life. So I open it up and I've given all the kids something, whether it's a pack of gum, a thing of mints and whatever. And right before the class starts, I walk around and introduce myself and just hand them something.
Speaker 2:And then I get up to the front of the room and I started like this and I said, oh, okay, so who's now? Every one of these kids, by the way, is there for STEM, right? So they're all into science, engineering, and I said so who in this room is in sales? And you can guess the answer. Not one hand goes up and I'll say, oh, ok, actually I'll ask the question again who in this room is in sales? And they're all just looking around and I was like, ok, well, you're all. I never use the word wrong, right, positive motivation. I said. And then I'll throw out another question and say, when you woke up this morning, what was it, you know, that got you to come here today? And you know, someone will finally raise their hand. And I said well, because I want to learn more and I want to be, you know, a better person, or I want to get a better job. And I said, ok, so you're in sales, right, and they kind of look at it and then all of a sudden they start laughing and then all their hands go up and I said, look, if you look at all the situations you get into, sort of as a salesperson, then you're going to approach the situation differently, because in a sales situation, the best outcome is when both people walk away from the interaction feeling as if they've both won. Right, no one got something over on the other person, right? The? The coach and the player each walked away with something that was beneficial to them. Um, and it's just then.
Speaker 2:I take them through. You know emailing techniques. How do you make people feel? You know the great, may great Maya Angelou quote I use. I said, like people, I put that up on the board, that's the second part and I go. People will always forget what you did for them or what you said to them, but they will never forget the way you make them feel. And they're looking at me and they're like okay, and I said so. How I walked around at the beginning of this class and I gave you eat something, right, how did that make you feel? And just saw them go like that and I said okay. So if there's anything you can learn from me today, it's go make an impact on the way someone else you interacted with today feels and don't remember you forever.
Speaker 1:I love that. That is a great way to get that point across. Since you brought it up, how can people reach you? And if you're watching this on YouTube, remember the links will be down below so you can reach out to Brian. I highly recommend you do. And if you're listening to the podcast, just click on his name because it'll be highlighted and it'll drive you right to his website.
Speaker 2:But while people are listening, Brian, how can people reach you if they want to reach out to you? Sure Thanks, coach Mickey, and thank you for the time. So it's the website, and the podcast is called Owning the Goal. Our tagline is because success in sales is success in life, and the email you can reach me at is Brian B-R-I-A-N. At owningthegoalcom. We're always interested in having guests. I'd love to have you on as a guest, coach Mickey. That would be an honor and I'd be humbled by that, because you certainly own the goal for yourself and for your teams, and you know, we just appreciate helping and sharing, and none of this is about money or finances or anything like that. It's just, you know, I believe we're all somehow put on this earth to make it a better place. So this is the way that I like to give back for all the gifts that I've been given.
Speaker 1:I love it, thank you, and I would love to be a guest on your podcast, and you know we ran out of time, so what I'd like to do is give you the last two minutes to wrap up and share anything we didn't get a chance to cover or something you'd like to bring to our locker room.
Speaker 2:Oh sure, sure. Well, it's top of mind, just one thing, and it's what I always ask my guests at the end what's one thing you want to leave people with? And it's just because I put this. It's top of mind because I'm a musician as well. So I put up my latest episode I recorded yesterday and it's just called Slow Down to Speed Up. And I think I don't think I know.
Speaker 2:Take the listeners through playing a bass line that I built for a song and it's at the speed of the song, but then I dial it back and say it didn't come out this way. This took months of practice and slowing it down to speed up, because I feel like I know for myself. I can only speak for myself. You know, if I tried to be a professional goaltender in that league just right out of the gate, of course nobody would want me there, but it took 10 years of training and having smart people teach me how to do things slowly and then gradually build up that speed. So I leave people with look, we can all get better at everything. Find a great coach. If you can't get a great coach, go on YouTube, watch your videos, listen to your videos, listen to a podcast and listen to people who are good at it and then follow along the directions that perhaps they used, modify them for yourself, and if you put the time and the work in and the passion, you can achieve anything that you want.
Speaker 1:I love it. Thank you, I'm going to end on that note. That was perfect. Thank you so much for being with us. Coach Brian, I appreciate you. I appreciate everything that you're doing, what you're doing for these kids, what you're doing in your life.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for being my guest today. Oh, please, thank you very, very much, and I'll reach out to you after this to set up you to be on our show.
Speaker 1:We'd love to have that, thank you, thank you. All right, you guys hope you got something out of that. Please take what you need from this and apply it to your own life. We're always all learning and we're here to support each other and help each other. That's why we do it. We surround ourselves with people that can help us. You know, just like Coach Brian did, just like I do, you know we're always learning and evolving, and that's what we do. That's how we get better in everything that we do, in every element of our life, not just in sports, but also who we are as individuals, and it could be even your business, your family or whatever needs improving. So, until then, bring it in. I want you guys to remember get out there, start strong, finish strong and dominate everything in between. I'm Coach Mickey, let's go.